The Next Big TED Talk Might Be About Selling "Trap" Instrumentals

Whoever the guys are behind goldybeats.com, they're obviously brilliant. Two producers (if their profile at TED is "legit") are using the popular website and brand--known for its frequently updated catalog of disruptive speeches on technology, entertainment and design--to promote their own website, at which "hip hop and trap instrumentals" are "for sell." Between the incorrect grammar and the sheer bravado of introducing their hustle to these so-called innovators at TED, I've gotta go on and call it genius.

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You might assume TED has some sort of MENSA-esque criteria for joining the club. Like, you've gotta have a Warby Parker pocket protector or know how to make a dot matrix printer play "Eye of the Tiger." And then it's not even guaranteed--you might just get one of those cloth shopping bags you get for being a sustaining member of your local NPR station, for trying, but not quite giving them what they were looking for, you know?

Just out of curiosity, I tried setting up a fake account to see if they'd let me get close. Unfortunately, I didn't think it through enough to give one of my burner email accounts, so I'll never know if I actually received an acceptance email confirmation link and could have setup shop under the assumed identity of a rich, bald, love-making super-villain. But I have to assume whoever's email that really is, they now have the ability to do whatever they please on TED's site.

Anyway, you should really check goldybeats out, son. They've got that hot fiya for the streets, yo. Assuming we all know what the term "trap" means by now, I find it particularly interesting that these guys, or whoever this one guy is fronting like he has a friend/business partner, would pick TED to spam.

I mean, the irony here is that it's actually quite innovative. Most people would have gone to WorldStar or any of the other high-traffic hip-hop sites and tried their luck among the native crowd.

These guys recognized those spots were overcrowded/saturated/so 2000-and-late. They disrupted things, and put their product in a place where competition is low, quality (or lack thereof) is not completely understood, and the urge to understand inner-city art is probably sky-high. That's trapping, and they're probably getting at least some type of bump in traffic to their site just from this small coup.

I mean, look at how they disrupted their own website with the mad-crazy-ill language arts:

Yo, son; this shit is EXLUSICE!! Keep it real--you might use that word next time you're in the trap, or in a place where trap-like people happen to be present, just for street-cred purposes and to keep everybody comfortable.

Another interesting fact about the goldybeats hustle (which I assume is actually based in France, since SACEM is kinda like the French equivalent of ASCAP, apparently) is if you buy one of these beats, you don't actually own it. So it's kinda like you give "them" your money, download a trap instrumental, spit that hot-HOT fiya, and then just act like it didn't happen or play it in your car, when you're in the trap.

It gets better: as long as you invest in your rap career and actually lose money, you can use the track in your live rap performances! I'm sure that if they're really IRS-style about verification, all you'd need to do is keep an accurate record of your event's failure, kinda like the reverse of how promoters get liquor companies to give them free booze, then have one of their homies take pictures of lots of happy and sexy people drinking it, just to keep getting free booze to give people at your party.

See, you'd do just the opposite of that--you go extra-hard on stage, over a Gucci Mane/Young Jeezy/Future-level trap beat that's decent but not quite that good-sounding, in a venue where absolutely nobody shows up, and you get photos taken of the empty dance floor, vacant area near the front of the stage, girls leaving right after they walk in and see the wackness--all that. You winnin'!!

Of course this type of thing happens all over the internet. I just happen to find this situation quite hilarious, because there's something about it that actually makes the very point TED is trying to push. At least, that's what TED said in its "About" section:

TED is a global community, welcoming people from every discipline and culture who seek a deeper understanding of the world. We believe passionately in the power of ideas to change attitudes, lives and, ultimately, the world.

Whatever happens, one thing I can say for sure is that TED could use more hip-hop-oriented talks. Who knows, maybe this will be the beginning of many vibrant collaborations between urban street culture and the titans of technology, entertainment and design. Or maybe it's just spam. LOL.

Anyway, for now, it's TED for "Trappin' E'ry Day." Lemme find out.